13/11/09 is what my hand tag written .
with my full name on it .
i told myself this
1/12/09 is the day im going out
and never to come back .
fuck CWP .

Im back from a place i shouldnt be at in the first place .
being remanded for 17days is hell .
these questions is always lingering in my mind .
is my parents ok ?
what time is it now ?
what is my family doing ?
what is she and how is she doing ?
yes
everyday without fail
it appeared in my mind
and now that im out , ive pledge to become
someone more than i used to be .
responsible daughter and hardworking daughter .
for my parents that cant even lay eyes on food
and not sleeping well
and for my siblings that took off just to
accompany me thru visits .
ive pledge to do so .
InsyaAllah . i know ,he's guiding me along .
He showed me  alot inside .
i pray to him so that i can smile while
waiting for 1st dec , He gave me the strength to do so .
i pray to ask for his protection and protectmy family
He did .
i pray so that He could give me patience
He did .
He is so great , never failed to be there for me
and guide me along .


17days is hell to me .
i dont know how the hell im gonna survive there
everything seems blur to me .
without my specs on , no sense of time .
NOTHING . ZERO knowledge .
all i could think of is my parents .
but Alhamdulillah .
the people inside there took care of me for 14 days
taught me things so i wont get bullied easily
in fact , i didnt get bullied at all
ALHAMDULILLAH , AMIN .
the last three days was shocking .
i was transferred to YP block .
YP means young prisoner .
and i stayed in a cell with 4 wonderful friends
sotong , naz and boy .
just so you know , being in there for a few days together
you can get close easily .
we stare blank walls togther
talk about our probs together
eat together
sleep together
sing together
BATH together
most of all
cry together
but its not worth it to be in there
and please imagine that i was it in my head
so hard that i never wanna go back in .
its like someone hit my head with a metal pole .
that is the place thati wont never ever stepped in again .
once is enough .

ihad enough .
ive learnt alot .
and im closer to HIM now .
im sure HE will always be there for me
cos only me and HIM knows that
im sincere to change for the better .
i dont mind losing friends that knows i went in before .
cos all i need is my family
and supportive friends
like ati and epul
wak , yat and aza .
and i dont need friends who made my mom
lose her precious thing just to cover your fcuking butt .
its gonna take me sometime to
forgive you but not very soon .
He knows what He's doing to you .


let me tell you this ,
think before you do something
cos its worthless to be in there
learn your lesson out here
not in there
treasure and cherish family
cause at the end of the day
they are our blood ties .
mine is blessed by HIM .
i love them all
AMIN .